Heather Havrilesky’s life advice:
The good news is that once you understand the things that trigger you, attract you, make you anxious, relax you, etc, the whole world looks a lot less complicated: You seek worthy judges in life and you throw yourself at their feet. Or you play the worthy judge for someone else. Watching how that plays out for you will actually confuse and upset you at first, and you’ll be knocked over by a wave of shame, but sit with it and keep observing. Tolerate your self-hatred and watch yourself every time you get the urge to catch a bird and leave it on the doormat, then hide in the bushes, anxiously waiting to see if it’s good enough.
“Tolerate your self-hatred” is a woof-worthy sentence if I’ve ever read one.