I think, of all things, I miss her voice the most.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot over the last week or so but when we were together I would see her not as a person with a beautiful smile or with any other mesmerizing physical quality, but instead as a sound. Her voice had this dependable, reassuring tone and I wish I knew more about musical notation because a photograph could never get the full shape and heft of her personality right. Whenever I saw a picture of her there was always this huge chunk missing, like it was a photograph of someone else.
The only way to see her as I do would be to capture her voice in a lead sheet, I’m sure. All those squiggles and complex tangents! The typographic off-shoots and the indecipherableness of it all!
Ultimately words fail to do the sound justice. And I know it might seem completely mad to write this, but it feels like I fell in love with a song.